Is this the beginning of something?

So, my first post… I have been on short term leave from work since April 8th. During the first two weeks of March, my chiropractor and I thought we were treating arthritis in my C4-5 after he took some x-rays since my discomfort was not going away. It was so uncomfortable and no amount of rolling, adjusting, stretching, or anything was working. I am a forklift driver, driving for 5 hours every morning. That machinery takes a toll on your body, for sure. It’s a blast to drive though! I have always had this small area in my right rhomboid that would get uncomfortable from time to time. I’m preeetttyyy sure it’s from when I had double D’s. I’ve lost weight since then and they have shrunken to a perfect C cup, but the discomfort still returns. This discomfort started becoming more consistent and then pain started traveling up my neck, and down my arms sometimes making my fingers numb.

One morning, my back locked up and I struggled to get out of bed. 3 weeks later, I went out on leave because it wasn’t getting better and just walking hurt and vibrated through my body. I got a CT scan, not MRI because I have a cochlear implant on my right side. Doctor said the CT scan shows I have developed mild early degenerative disc changes at C6-7 with with some mild uncovertebral degenerative change. No bony pinal canal or neural foraminal narrowing. However, this doesn’t explain my symptoms. Everyone has it and it’s usually asymptomatic. The fluid between our discs gradually dry out as our bodies get older and wear down. Once that fluid is depleted, that’s it. It does not regenerate and you can’t refill it.

I actually had to look up what uncovertebral degenerative change means. Uncovertebral hypertrophy is swelling or enlargement of the uncovertebral joints. These are joints in the neck that stabilize and allow for movement. Symptoms often include stiffness and pain. While this is all such a pain in the neck (literally), I can’t help but be grateful that this is something manageable. It will take a long time to heal, and it is… But my ultimate fear is losing my mobility and having a full mental capacity being trapped in a body that can’t handle all of the things I want to accomplish in life. When I first went out, that fear seemed to really be coming true. I have a really high pain tolerance, I’ve been poked and prodded so many times when I was younger, due to health issues and being hospitalized. I realized I was maturing again as an adult in her mid-30’s when I said out loud to a friend, “I have a high pain tolerance and the ability to push through, but I know to listen to the small signs rather than to let my body get to the point where it’s paralyzed.” Why are we killing ourselves for corporations that ultimately DON’T CARE ABOUT US?!

Anyway, this is not the time for a rant about the government lol. This experience has definitely been an eye opener for me. While it’s been stressful (Insurance… amirite?) and painful, and boring at times… it’s also been relaxing, less stressful in different ways, eye opening, and just what I needed. I’m currently on full upper body restrictions per my physical therapist. We are trying to pinpoint the problem areas.

I am slowly going out of my mind. It’s spring time and there’s so much to do! My gardens are looking gorgeous, and my mini-pond has attracted frogs and laid eggs! I have 3 day old tadpoles!! I cannot wait to watch them develop. 🙂 I wish I had a good quality trail camera so I don’t miss a thing, but I am afraid to spend any extra money I have because you know how insurance can be… I’m happy that I can enjoy my gardens at least. I was able to get most of the grunt work and planting done before I was put on full restrictions. It’s been raining a lot the last week, which would be amazing if my garden beds had time in between to dry out! The pond area is flourishing though! Haha pros and cons to everything.

This past year I had to let go of some goals that no longer fit my life, things have been changing a lot and we all know the struggle it is to stay afloat economically these days. Plans never go according to plan, and while I still have my ultimate goal of moving closer to family and creating a family compound, as well as a program I have designed that I hope to one day be all over the world, or at least the US. I am not ready though, and I need to take the time to listen to intuition, accept, and adapt to help myself in the now get ready for myself in the future. Every time I take a drive that’s not work (1.1 mi) or the gym (3.4mi), all I see is destruction of trees, and nature. It literally breaks my heart and brings tears to my eyes almost every time. I wish I had billions of dollars so I could purchase lands and put easements on them. We need these trees, we need the creatures that live in the trees, and the ground, and everything in between. Convenience is becoming the death of the world as we know it. This will be the last generation to see nature as we know it.

So, I decided to make my property a safe haven for wildlife. I built a mini-pond last year and had a fountain in it to keep mosquitoes out. With the help of incredible people, my front yard garden has transformed completely from one giant stretch of azalea bushes infested with poison ivy, to two gardens. One is the pond/rock garden, and the other is wildflower/pollination garden. I have also added two crabapple trees, and a portal hoop that has climbing flowers growing on it. In the backyard, which is still in progress as my ability to do anything has halted for the moment, currently consists of two raised garden beds with an archway in the middle, a potato box that I built, a standing bed that I also made, a bug hotel, compost pile, a small standing raised bed that I built, flowers, small nursery for baby plants, and my worm factories. Watching everything grow and come to life has been so amazing! I created this! I facilitated new life! I also have a few bird feeders, one hummingbird, and one regular. I have two gourd bird houses on my porch, which one had provided safe shelter for a mama and two babies, up until they flew out during a thunderstorm. Watching plants and creatures thrive right in front of your eyes knowing it was you that provided this? The feeling is indescribable.

I’m extremely thankful that although my back is hurting, I can walk around and talk to all of my plants, look for the tiniest bit of change in each garden, weed out the small sprouts that don’t belong (aggressive vines that run and take over so easily if not maintained), check out the pond and see what else it has attracted, walk with the dogs… I need to practice more mindfulness.