Tag: mindfulness

  • We need unconditional empathy.

    I want to talk about the world today. I feel myself getting closer to a crash out and those aren’t fun, or productive. Funny that these feelings and the intense push to share these thoughts fall on 9/11, 24 years later. I was living on LI at the time, going to homeroom in middle school. As I walked down the halls, still clueless of what happened, I saw several of my classmates running and crying. I got to my homeroom, and heard the news. They had it playing on the TV. Many of my classmates, neighbors, friends, family had relatives in those buildings. My uncle lived across the river and could see it all clearly.

    Don’t forget to ground yourself in this crazy world we’re experiencing. This week alone, on Tiktok, I witnessed the shooting of Charlie Kirk, the heartbreaking brutal stabbing of Iryna Zarutska, school shootings, revolutions, bombings, genocide, Epstein files, never-ending attack on women, POC, disabled, and people who are different, destroying of mother nature… And the only one that seems to be plastered all over the news more than any of the others is Charlie Kirk.

    I’m not celebrating Charlie Kirk’s death, but he died on the hill he created. I understand why people are saying “I have no empathy” for him, because he was a shitty person, don’t get me wrong.

    Empathy must thrive through things like this. We cannot allow ourselves to be desensitized to the state of the world today. If we all stooped to his level, there would be no empathy at all. The job of a narcissist is to make everyone as miserable as them, to bring someone at a higher level down to theirs (and unfortunately, this country is run by them). We want nothing more than for them to taste their own medicine. It leads to pettiness, anger, violence, continuing the cycle of hurt and unhealed trauma. We cannot allow that. We are the generation of breaking cycles. Turn inward, ground yourself. Be better for yourself so you can be better for those around you. Create, express, share truths with open minds, total transparency. I used to think America was a melting pot, because of all the different cultures in one country sharing beliefs and delicious food recipes. As more and more truths come out, it’s clear that we’ve been lied to and betrayed, made to believe if we followed their teachings we would be taken care of. Instead, we’re just constantly being pitted against each other (successfully so far) as they take every penny we make (we destroy our bodies and work our lives away just to be one paycheck away from homelessness) with insurance that doesn’t pay out when you need it but is required with literally everything, subscriptions, sell cheaply made things with the design to break and keep needing repair, charge for and gatekeep basic necessities, take away crucial education and basic rights, use AI to brainwash and take away boredom which is where healing, creativity and independency are developed, and slowly isolate us from the rest of the world. Yet, we are too busy fighting each other than fighting the real issue, to notice that this is happening right in front of our eyes, right. now.

    Fortunately, we are the creators of our own universe and we can choose love.

    We can choose UNCONDITIONAL empathy.

    We can choose to understand that that person you spilled your whole heart to, even hid some of the best parts of yourself away for acted out of hurt and unhealed traum. and instead of sitting with themselves, they chose to continue passing that hurt around. I’m still going to love you and hope that you one day choose to sit through your pain and be better. Instead of allowing that pain that wasn’t mine to bear in the first place to change who I am, I vow to never allow someone to influence me in a way that causes me to lose myself.

    We can choose to understand that we have to love that person from afar because they’re no good for you. Because they don’t know any better.

    We can choose to understand that Charlie Kirk was not one for the people.

    But his children and his wife, and everyone else who was at that debate, did not deserve to have that memory ingrained in their brains for the rest of their lives. You cannot condemn gun violence and celebrate it. If we ever want peace, if we are ever to break the cycle, we need to be better. period.

  • It’s the most wonderful time of the year

    It’s the -Ber months! which means fall is not far behind. Fall and winter are definitely my favorite seasons. I love spring, but summer comes way too fast after. I love cold, crisp air and wearing comfortable clothes. Feeling cozy all day without sweating. The smells, the sights… I just love it and best of all, NO MOSQUITOES!

    The heat wave is gone, my gardens and dogs are so happy with the cooler weather. Mosquitoes are still here, but more manageable. My luffa has started producing and I am so excited! I am getting more into weaving, but taking my time with this hobby because I want it to last. I tend to dive all into new hobbies and discoveries and eventually burn myself out. I want to be able to do things with this one, so I am making sure I am taking breaks when my back starts to be uncomfortable, taking breaks between works, stretching, doing other things in the meantime that still fill my inspired heart.

    I’ve been having to face the reality that I may be forced to go back to work before my body is healed. I know I can’t handle a full day of work, but insurance told me they don’t understand why I can’t work, since I’m not fully incapacitated or needing surgery. I’m trying to prevent that! Ugh. My PT and I have finally found where the pain has been stemming from, which is the usual rhomboid area. I must have pulled a muscle ~13 years ago without realizing it. We’ve been needling that spot and the pain radiating from it has been getting smaller. It’s really achey right now and I missed PT yesterday but I haven’t been doing well mentally the last few days. Today, I feel a little perkier and have a little more hope. I will have to take a little time to the side today and give myself a stretch, massage, and muscle stimulation. it’s really so simple, but why is it hard for us to do the simplest, mundane things? they’re repetitive, annoying, never-ending… like laundry and doing the dishes. ME HATES EM. but, ya gotta stay on top of them or else an anthill turns into a mountain! The saying “once you stop moving, you start dying” is so true. I may have been force to slow down, but it doesn’t mean I need to come to a full stop. I just needed to sit through and readjust some perspectives. 🙂

    Here are some of the things I managed to make in August!

  • I had a deja vu moment

    I was doing my usual bumming around this morning with the dogs and scrolling through social media. I came across a hilarious post and thread in Dull Men’s Club titled “Escape from Taiwan” on Facebook.

    As I was reading the comments, I realized I was in a deja vu moment. I remembered that moment before and the person I was talking to and exactly how that conversation went. Except, that person doesn’t remember any of that haha. Has anyone ever experienced such intense deja vu like this?

    The person in the conversation I had asked me what was different this time around. And as I was explaining this vision to said person, I know I sounded crazy but it dawned on me as I was telling them that this was the Universe speaking to me, telling me that it’s time to take stock. Time to compare the two moments in time, see how much I’ve grown (and I’ve grown a ton since the previous moment, which was a year ago). Maybe it’s from a past life or a parallel Universe connection, I don’t know… But that’s the message I’m going to take from it.

    Since last year, I have done a lot of healing. I have learned to slow down, truly love myself and let go of what all the bullies in my life have made me feel, sit through my feelings, accept them, acknowledge them, speaking UP AND ADVOCATING for myself, ask for help… I have grown a lot and I love the quote “you’re living the life you prayed for 5 years ago. ” And I hope that continues to resonate as I get older.

  • Can we talk about motivation?

    Motivation, for me, seems to come in waves. One day, I’m so positive everything will come together and work out for the best, better than I’m able to fathom at the moment. The next, meh, I just want to stay in bed all day and bedrot (a new term I’ve learned). I know I’m worth a lot more than what my life is right now, but I also know that my dreams/goals are things that require me to work on myself. I am willing to do that 100%. I tend to get impatient, it is an instant gratification world. Instant gratification is a horrible, slow mental suicide. It’s also very hard to break from and I feel like I am border-lining being a hoarder haha. I am trying to be less materialistic, I’ve stopped impulse buying silly gag items and I try not to buy new. Bringing things back to life gives you a project to do and a sense of reward when you’re done.

    It doesn’t have to be perfect.

    Afterall, imperfection is perfection.

    Everything these days are made so cheap and meant to break so the consumer has to keep buying more. Used items are so much nicer, last longer, and have character that make them unique in a world where everything is mass produced. A lot of the things I have now are art supplies and family/childhood sentimental things.

    Depression has a lot to do with it and causes me to shrink into the comfort of my home and I don’t leave for days at a time, if I’m not working or even when I’m working I’d call out. I am happy to say that these periods get shorter and shorter, and I feel stronger every time I come back from the dark.

    Cleaning up clutter, tackling laundry, dishes, the usual chores, and taking it baby steps at a time, while being gentle and kind to myself reminding myself that I have been in worse slumps and through really hard situations, I should be proud of who I am and where I am. I may not be where I thought I’d be at 35, but I am dang proud of how far I have come.