Over the past weekend, I learned of the passing by suicide of Mikayla Raines a week ago today. She was the founder of Save A Fox rescue. I started following her in 2016 or ’17, when she was starting up. Mikayla dedicated her life to saving these gorgeous creatures, as well as others. She was driven to ending her life by people she considered close friends and people who were documented animal abusers and other rescues. Mikayla leaves behind a husband and young daughter, along with Finnegan Fox and hundreds of other animals.
Mikayla also was dealing with a lifelong battle of depression, BPD, and had autism. She tried to use her platform for awareness, to help others to not feel so alone. In fact, the day of her passing, she posted a long post about how she was burnt out and how people need to stop ragging on her. I am so heartbroken, as I have dealt with more bullying in my 30s than in my life. People do not understand the weight of their words. Once said, they don’t go away, they don’t go through one ear and out the other. It sticks with you and haunts you, no matter how much love you receive from the people who truly love you and want you around.
I wish the fact, “hurt people, hurt people” wasn’t something we have to accept as reality.
But it is.
It’s easier to follow a lie than to face the truth. No one wants to sit with themselves and list out ways that they’re being “bad.” Being 100% honest to yourself about the things you’ve done wrong, the things you’ve said that you can’t take back, things you need to change…
It’s not easy, but it’s necessary for healing.
Bullying in itself is a huge problem. Cyber bullying is an epidemic and needs much, much more attention. We have young children (my nephew is 12 and niece 9), who are growing up in a cyber world and will be exposed to this. We need to be better for the future generations. I am so scared for their future and how the internet will affect their mental health and growth through the years. I will do my best to help prolong that, as their auntie.
When I was 9 (1999), I developed a kidney disease called IgA nephropathy. One morning, I had blood in my urine and I was taken to the hospital, where I stayed for about a week. I was poked and prodded a million times, and I had to have a biopsy, which I was awake for and my dad was with me. I had to be put on steroids to fight this in the beginning, for a while. Steroids make your hair very thick and bushy. It also increases the growth on your face. I was on Livejournal at the time, and taught myself how to code. I met someone from WA who wanted me to help her. There used to be these different groups that you’d get invited to apply to join, by a friend referring you. She commented inviting me to a “hot girl” group. I applied and submitted some cute pictures. Almost every girl commented saying I looked gross, needed to shave my mustache, fix my eyebrows, etc. There were a couple of girls who stood up for me, but cyber bullying has been an issue since the beginning of the internet. I am lucky it wasn’t like it is today and I have an amazing, supportive family.
This is the only instance I can remember from childhood. In my 30s, I have been bullied more times than I can count. When you are an honest, healed person, people do not like that and will do anything to try to tear you down. In 2021, I was bullied to the point of having to call a hotline. My best friends, or so I thought, of 3+ years turned on me and spread malicious rumors about me at work. These people nearly destroyed me and still don’t think they did anything wrong. It was a group of 6 people, and I still have to work with them despite reporting them, and an investigation being done. A year later, another coworker transfered from out of state, and started hanging out with this group. He thought it was a good idea to pull me aside and tell me that he believes the rumors, and that they are still telling them, a year and a half later. He also told me that I shouldn’t be a forklift driver because I can’t hear, and he hates to repeat himelf. He also said many other very hurtful words including how nobody likes me and I need better friends. I went out on short term for a sabbatical not long after.
Rest in Peace, Mikayla. I’m sorry this world failed you. 💔
Imogen Healing 