Imogen Healing

Tag: blogging

  • “Gotta have the lows to appreciate the highs”

    A friend I met in college once said this to me. It pops in my head when I find myself in the lows. We wouldn’t truly be able to appreciate where we are in the good times, if we didn’t know what it meant to be on the opposite side. The work and journey it takes to get there makes it all much sweeter. In an instant gratification world, it’s hard to keep that sense of gratitude without constantly checking in with yourself.

  • The world is a little darker…

    Over the past weekend, I learned of the passing by suicide of Mikayla Raines a week ago today. She was the founder of Save A Fox rescue. I started following her in 2016 or ’17, when she was starting up. Mikayla dedicated her life to saving these gorgeous creatures, as well as others. She was driven to ending her life by people she considered close friends and people who were documented animal abusers and other rescues. Mikayla leaves behind a husband and young daughter, along with Finnegan Fox and hundreds of other animals.

    Mikayla also was dealing with a lifelong battle of depression, BPD, and had autism. She tried to use her platform for awareness, to help others to not feel so alone. In fact, the day of her passing, she posted a long post about how she was burnt out and how people need to stop ragging on her. I am so heartbroken, as I have dealt with more bullying in my 30s than in my life. People do not understand the weight of their words. Once said, they don’t go away, they don’t go through one ear and out the other. It sticks with you and haunts you, no matter how much love you receive from the people who truly love you and want you around.

    I wish the fact, “hurt people, hurt people” wasn’t something we have to accept as reality.

    But it is.

    It’s easier to follow a lie than to face the truth. No one wants to sit with themselves and list out ways that they’re being “bad.” Being 100% honest to yourself about the things you’ve done wrong, the things you’ve said that you can’t take back, things you need to change…

    It’s not easy, but it’s necessary for healing.

    Bullying in itself is a huge problem. Cyber bullying is an epidemic and needs much, much more attention. We have young children (my nephew is 12 and niece 9), who are growing up in a cyber world and will be exposed to this. We need to be better for the future generations. I am so scared for their future and how the internet will affect their mental health and growth through the years. I will do my best to help prolong that, as their auntie.

    When I was 9 (1999), I developed a kidney disease called IgA nephropathy. One morning, I had blood in my urine and I was taken to the hospital, where I stayed for about a week. I was poked and prodded a million times, and I had to have a biopsy, which I was awake for and my dad was with me. I had to be put on steroids to fight this in the beginning, for a while. Steroids make your hair very thick and bushy. It also increases the growth on your face. I was on Livejournal at the time, and taught myself how to code. I met someone from WA who wanted me to help her. There used to be these different groups that you’d get invited to apply to join, by a friend referring you. She commented inviting me to a “hot girl” group. I applied and submitted some cute pictures. Almost every girl commented saying I looked gross, needed to shave my mustache, fix my eyebrows, etc. There were a couple of girls who stood up for me, but cyber bullying has been an issue since the beginning of the internet. I am lucky it wasn’t like it is today and I have an amazing, supportive family.

    This is the only instance I can remember from childhood. In my 30s, I have been bullied more times than I can count. When you are an honest, healed person, people do not like that and will do anything to try to tear you down. In 2021, I was bullied to the point of having to call a hotline. My best friends, or so I thought, of 3+ years turned on me and spread malicious rumors about me at work. These people nearly destroyed me and still don’t think they did anything wrong. It was a group of 6 people, and I still have to work with them despite reporting them, and an investigation being done. A year later, another coworker transfered from out of state, and started hanging out with this group. He thought it was a good idea to pull me aside and tell me that he believes the rumors, and that they are still telling them, a year and a half later. He also told me that I shouldn’t be a forklift driver because I can’t hear, and he hates to repeat himelf. He also said many other very hurtful words including how nobody likes me and I need better friends. I went out on short term for a sabbatical not long after.

    Rest in Peace, Mikayla. I’m sorry this world failed you. 💔

  • What is the point of paying into insurance?

    I have been out on short term since April 8th. My disability insurance has been doing everything they can to delay my payments. They are currently 4 days late on paying me. Two weeks ago, they did the same thing. My mortgage payment ended up being late because of the late paycheck, and I now have to do money order or western union which all have fees to use, for the next 6 months. I am also NEGATIVE with bills racking up plus LATE FEES. I am so stressed out and I am trying to heal. 😭

    The last communication received from my insurance was on the 12th requesting more information from my chiropractor. A WEEK AGO. I HAD CALLED THEM ON THE 10TH to let them know AHEAD of time that I won’t be returning at the end of this approved (2 weeks) amount of time. They didn’t request until literally right before the weekend, when everyone is closed for 2 days. They got the forms back on Monday, and still nothing. I called yesterday to find out what’s going on and there was no update on payment. Paperwork takes 3-5 days to process. UMMMM… it took less than a day to process my claim to go out in the first place. I explained that I called over a week ago to avoid this and have done everything I’ve been asked to do ASAP all just for them to drag their feet.

    WHAT IS THE POINT OF INSURANCE IF YOU’RE GIVEN EVERY EXCUSE IN THE BOOK TO NOT PAY OUT

    Health, car, mortgage, home, etc. Why are we REQUIRED to pay insurance if all they do is take our money, with little in return?

    Health insurance companies murder billions of people a year.

    Car and home insurance… You need to use your insurance that you’ve been overpaying into? Punished. Premium increased and less eligibility to get a different provider.

    You got hit by someone with no insurance? Premium increased and going to give you a hard time finding ways to heal.

    More and more people are dropping insurance. I’m almost to that point but I know with my luck, I’d get into an accident the second I cancel.

    I don’t know what to do. I’m losing my mind. I physically can’t work right now, and I can’t get another job because I’ll get fired. I cannot keep borrowing money from friends and family, and definitely cannot open and use more credit cards or loans. SOMETHING’S GOTTA GIVE. THE PEOPLE ARE DROWNING.

    Oh, and our current president wants to get rid of paid holidays. 😊

  • I had a deja vu moment

    I was doing my usual bumming around this morning with the dogs and scrolling through social media. I came across a hilarious post and thread in Dull Men’s Club titled “Escape from Taiwan” on Facebook.

    As I was reading the comments, I realized I was in a deja vu moment. I remembered that moment before and the person I was talking to and exactly how that conversation went. Except, that person doesn’t remember any of that haha. Has anyone ever experienced such intense deja vu like this?

    The person in the conversation I had asked me what was different this time around. And as I was explaining this vision to said person, I know I sounded crazy but it dawned on me as I was telling them that this was the Universe speaking to me, telling me that it’s time to take stock. Time to compare the two moments in time, see how much I’ve grown (and I’ve grown a ton since the previous moment, which was a year ago). Maybe it’s from a past life or a parallel Universe connection, I don’t know… But that’s the message I’m going to take from it.

    Since last year, I have done a lot of healing. I have learned to slow down, truly love myself and let go of what all the bullies in my life have made me feel, sit through my feelings, accept them, acknowledge them, speaking UP AND ADVOCATING for myself, ask for help… I have grown a lot and I love the quote “you’re living the life you prayed for 5 years ago. ” And I hope that continues to resonate as I get older.

  • Can we talk about motivation?

    Motivation, for me, seems to come in waves. One day, I’m so positive everything will come together and work out for the best, better than I’m able to fathom at the moment. The next, meh, I just want to stay in bed all day and bedrot (a new term I’ve learned). I know I’m worth a lot more than what my life is right now, but I also know that my dreams/goals are things that require me to work on myself. I am willing to do that 100%. I tend to get impatient, it is an instant gratification world. Instant gratification is a horrible, slow mental suicide. It’s also very hard to break from and I feel like I am border-lining being a hoarder haha. I am trying to be less materialistic, I’ve stopped impulse buying silly gag items and I try not to buy new. Bringing things back to life gives you a project to do and a sense of reward when you’re done.

    It doesn’t have to be perfect.

    Afterall, imperfection is perfection.

    Everything these days are made so cheap and meant to break so the consumer has to keep buying more. Used items are so much nicer, last longer, and have character that make them unique in a world where everything is mass produced. A lot of the things I have now are art supplies and family/childhood sentimental things.

    Depression has a lot to do with it and causes me to shrink into the comfort of my home and I don’t leave for days at a time, if I’m not working or even when I’m working I’d call out. I am happy to say that these periods get shorter and shorter, and I feel stronger every time I come back from the dark.

    Cleaning up clutter, tackling laundry, dishes, the usual chores, and taking it baby steps at a time, while being gentle and kind to myself reminding myself that I have been in worse slumps and through really hard situations, I should be proud of who I am and where I am. I may not be where I thought I’d be at 35, but I am dang proud of how far I have come.