Imogen Healing

Tag: blogging

  • It’s the most wonderful time of the year

    It’s the -Ber months! which means fall is not far behind. Fall and winter are definitely my favorite seasons. I love spring, but summer comes way too fast after. I love cold, crisp air and wearing comfortable clothes. Feeling cozy all day without sweating. The smells, the sights… I just love it and best of all, NO MOSQUITOES!

    The heat wave is gone, my gardens and dogs are so happy with the cooler weather. Mosquitoes are still here, but more manageable. My luffa has started producing and I am so excited! I am getting more into weaving, but taking my time with this hobby because I want it to last. I tend to dive all into new hobbies and discoveries and eventually burn myself out. I want to be able to do things with this one, so I am making sure I am taking breaks when my back starts to be uncomfortable, taking breaks between works, stretching, doing other things in the meantime that still fill my inspired heart.

    I’ve been having to face the reality that I may be forced to go back to work before my body is healed. I know I can’t handle a full day of work, but insurance told me they don’t understand why I can’t work, since I’m not fully incapacitated or needing surgery. I’m trying to prevent that! Ugh. My PT and I have finally found where the pain has been stemming from, which is the usual rhomboid area. I must have pulled a muscle ~13 years ago without realizing it. We’ve been needling that spot and the pain radiating from it has been getting smaller. It’s really achey right now and I missed PT yesterday but I haven’t been doing well mentally the last few days. Today, I feel a little perkier and have a little more hope. I will have to take a little time to the side today and give myself a stretch, massage, and muscle stimulation. it’s really so simple, but why is it hard for us to do the simplest, mundane things? they’re repetitive, annoying, never-ending… like laundry and doing the dishes. ME HATES EM. but, ya gotta stay on top of them or else an anthill turns into a mountain! The saying “once you stop moving, you start dying” is so true. I may have been force to slow down, but it doesn’t mean I need to come to a full stop. I just needed to sit through and readjust some perspectives. 🙂

    Here are some of the things I managed to make in August!

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    ClAKTlNuYXBjaGF0LzEzLjU1LjAuNDkgKFNNLVM5MzFVMTsgQW5kcm9pZCAxNSNTOTMxVTFVRVM1QVlFNyMzNTsgZ3ppcCkgVi9NVVNIUk9PTQ==
    ClAKTlNuYXBjaGF0LzEzLjU1LjAuNDkgKFNNLVM5MzFVMTsgQW5kcm9pZCAxNSNTOTMxVTFVRVM1QVlFNyMzNTsgZ3ppcCkgVi9NVVNIUk9PTQ==
    ClAKTlNuYXBjaGF0LzEzLjU1LjAuNDkgKFNNLVM5MzFVMTsgQW5kcm9pZCAxNSNTOTMxVTFVRVM1QVlIMiMzNTsgZ3ppcCkgVi9NVVNIUk9PTQ==

  • Step into who you are

    I feel like a part of me is slipping away. I don’t use ASL nearly as much as I’d like. The deaf community here is essentially non-existent and the closest one is 1.5 hours away. My friends want to learn, but learning a new language takes time and commitment. I have thought about posting short videos of basic signs, and I want to post some videos of me talking and signing so I can become more natural at it. My roommate knows how to sign pretty fluently, but our schedules are often not aligned. Being on camera makes me nervous. I will have to push through so I can keep that part of me and make it stronger. I wanted to read and sign from a book, but that’s copyright infringement. Sooo I guess I’ll have to use my own stories and words. 🙃😬

    Here’s to nurturing yourself and stepping into who you truly are. Who cares what everyone else thinks?

  • Breaking cycles

    No matter how tired I am, I still just lie awake in bed staring at the wall or the ceiling. I forced myself to put my phone down and stop doomscrolling.

    My first thoughts were about a lover that recently was trying to reconnect after about 4 months. I stopped talking to him because we weren’t helping each other anymore. We seemed to bring the worst out of each other. I felt down about myself a lot, talking to him. He reached out needing some help, and I am always willing to lend a hand. Of course, this could’ve lead to reopening a wound I’ve been trying to close. Three years ago, I would have just jumped right back into some kind of -ship with him, as the connection between us is still very present. We’ve already tried to bring it down to platonic friendship thrice, so I made a hard decision to be honest and tell him that I don’t think I can reconnect with him.

    My first feeling after this thought?

    Loneliness and some sadness. Having to put distance between yourself and someone you love really sucks. Whether it’s a platonic or romantic relationship. I love HARD and deeply. Even if you’ve hurt me in the worst ways, I still love you. You deserve to be loved, unconditionally. But it does not mean, I should just be a doormat and empty myself with no reciprocation.

    Some people just don’t know how to perceive love, and just aren’t capable of speaking my love language. That’s okay. It just means I need to put up a boundary because it’s not worth my losing myself again just because I want to love someone. You can also love someone and not actually like them, as strange as that sounds.

    Setting boundaries for yourself, and sticking by them can get so lonely. All I want to do is love people. It’s not on me to heal them to be able to accept it, though.

    My second thought?

    This is the third person I’ve told that I don’t want to reconnect or continue talking. That’s massive for me. It’s very hard for me to turn someone away, especially someone I love. It’s even harder for me to let things and people go that mean a great deal to me, even if it’s destroying me in the process. I can’t do that to myself. I owe myself so much better. I might be lonely right now, but I am just in a dark and slow healing place.

    Like a seed!

    When the conditions are right, I will sprout and grow into the most beautiful field of flowers. Everything I desire and dream of will come to fruition and more than I can bare to imagine at this moment. The work I’m putting in now will get me there. I deserve so much more than what I have settled for in my life.

    Third thought?

    I’m so proud of myself for continuing to be breaking cycles.

    🤟🏼

  • Untangle that mess

    My mind has been so riddled with all kinds of thoughts. It’s so hard to separate them, which makes it so hard to think straight. I don’t even know how to explain it, but it just gets so LOUD in my head that I can’t hear or focus on what’s going on around me.

    I can feel it starting to manifest in my shoulders and my head/jaw. Whenever I feel like this, I think of this meme I saw and saved in August of 2022 while I was one in my lowest slumps (I just spent an hour trying to find this in my album of 1k+ saved memes and quotes that helped me haha).

    It’s a really helpful picture! Visualizing your emotions and your inner child, creating a dialogue to work out those thoughts have been a game changer. In my search for this meme, I found so many other similar visualizations that also resonate with this.

    Sitting with yourself, through that tangled mess is really hard. I have been dissociating so hard and avoiding journaling, bedrotting, doom scrolling without proper release. I haven’t been sleeping much and can’t afford to buy food I actually want to eat because my insurance is doing everything they can to not pay me. I have lost all the weight I gained (20lbs) in April/May, with probably a little more. I know this is all not helping lol so today I am going to sit and untangle this mess in my brain.

    I have recently come across a term that explains who I am as a person. Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) and being able to put a name to it has helped a lot.

  • What am I doing here?

    I’ve felt very dissociated lately. There’s so much hate and disaster happening. War, murder, kidnapping, beatings, natural disasters, bullying, destruction of mother nature, etc.

    It has been 3 months since I have been at work. I still can’t do much physically, as I’m still on full upper body restrictions. Most days now the pain is minimal, until I start doing things and moving around. My outlets are all physical and I don’t know what to do now. I feel lame. I know this is a period for rest and healing, and it’ll take some time, but I’m stressed out. I feel trapped.

    What am I doing here?