Imogen Healing

Tag: bedrot

  • Untangle that mess

    My mind has been so riddled with all kinds of thoughts. It’s so hard to separate them, which makes it so hard to think straight. I don’t even know how to explain it, but it just gets so LOUD in my head that I can’t hear or focus on what’s going on around me.

    I can feel it starting to manifest in my shoulders and my head/jaw. Whenever I feel like this, I think of this meme I saw and saved in August of 2022 while I was one in my lowest slumps (I just spent an hour trying to find this in my album of 1k+ saved memes and quotes that helped me haha).

    It’s a really helpful picture! Visualizing your emotions and your inner child, creating a dialogue to work out those thoughts have been a game changer. In my search for this meme, I found so many other similar visualizations that also resonate with this.

    Sitting with yourself, through that tangled mess is really hard. I have been dissociating so hard and avoiding journaling, bedrotting, doom scrolling without proper release. I haven’t been sleeping much and can’t afford to buy food I actually want to eat because my insurance is doing everything they can to not pay me. I have lost all the weight I gained (20lbs) in April/May, with probably a little more. I know this is all not helping lol so today I am going to sit and untangle this mess in my brain.

    I have recently come across a term that explains who I am as a person. Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) and being able to put a name to it has helped a lot.

  • What am I doing here?

    I’ve felt very dissociated lately. There’s so much hate and disaster happening. War, murder, kidnapping, beatings, natural disasters, bullying, destruction of mother nature, etc.

    It has been 3 months since I have been at work. I still can’t do much physically, as I’m still on full upper body restrictions. Most days now the pain is minimal, until I start doing things and moving around. My outlets are all physical and I don’t know what to do now. I feel lame. I know this is a period for rest and healing, and it’ll take some time, but I’m stressed out. I feel trapped.

    What am I doing here?

  • Can we talk about motivation?

    Motivation, for me, seems to come in waves. One day, I’m so positive everything will come together and work out for the best, better than I’m able to fathom at the moment. The next, meh, I just want to stay in bed all day and bedrot (a new term I’ve learned). I know I’m worth a lot more than what my life is right now, but I also know that my dreams/goals are things that require me to work on myself. I am willing to do that 100%. I tend to get impatient, it is an instant gratification world. Instant gratification is a horrible, slow mental suicide. It’s also very hard to break from and I feel like I am border-lining being a hoarder haha. I am trying to be less materialistic, I’ve stopped impulse buying silly gag items and I try not to buy new. Bringing things back to life gives you a project to do and a sense of reward when you’re done.

    It doesn’t have to be perfect.

    Afterall, imperfection is perfection.

    Everything these days are made so cheap and meant to break so the consumer has to keep buying more. Used items are so much nicer, last longer, and have character that make them unique in a world where everything is mass produced. A lot of the things I have now are art supplies and family/childhood sentimental things.

    Depression has a lot to do with it and causes me to shrink into the comfort of my home and I don’t leave for days at a time, if I’m not working or even when I’m working I’d call out. I am happy to say that these periods get shorter and shorter, and I feel stronger every time I come back from the dark.

    Cleaning up clutter, tackling laundry, dishes, the usual chores, and taking it baby steps at a time, while being gentle and kind to myself reminding myself that I have been in worse slumps and through really hard situations, I should be proud of who I am and where I am. I may not be where I thought I’d be at 35, but I am dang proud of how far I have come.